Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
