the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
