waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
