Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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