yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
