Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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