i'm signing you up for texting rehab
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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