Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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