You made me cry and you don't even care
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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