i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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