As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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