I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
