i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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