i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
