Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
