Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
