Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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