did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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