fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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