hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
