I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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