I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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