And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
