This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
