If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
