The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
