I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
