I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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