I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i think i just lost a toe
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
