pedialite and red bull = repair kit
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
