Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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