my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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