I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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