Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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