Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
