How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
