Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
