Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
