Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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