Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
