She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
