Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
