Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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