p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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