Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
