All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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