Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
