She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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