I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
