Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
