I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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