Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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